Mystical passion. (Tantric sex)
Sharon Doyle Driedger
Maclean's
Vol.109 No.38 (Sep 16, 1996)
pp.44-45
COPYRIGHT 1996 Maclean Hunter (Canada)
It was a running gag on the popular television series L.A. Law.
Actors Michael Tucker and Jill Eikenberry, in the roles of
kindhearted attorneys Stuart Markowitz and Ann Kelsey, would
frequently leave the office, making vague allusions to the Venus
Butter fly-a mysterious sexual manoeuvre that supposedly drove women
wild. "It's such a funny thing," Tucker told Maclean's. "The writers
made it up and then, years later, we discovered what it was and it
has become the centre of our life." The secret, says the couple who
have been married for 23 years, is Tantric sex. "We thought we had
the best relationship in the world before," says Tucker. "We had no
idea-we've gone to the moon." Tucker says they have both "changed
profoundly" since they began to practise Tantric lovemaking
techniques three years ago. "It's been extraordinary in terms of
healing for me," says Eikenberry, who was diagnosed with breast
cancer about 10 years ago. "All the aches and pains, the stomach
problems I've suffered over the years seem t o be completely gone."
For Tucker, it meant a "180-degree reversal" in his attitude towards
sex. "I always thought the point of sex was my pleasure," says
Tucker. "But the point is fulfilling my woman in the deepest, most
spiritual way, but also in a profoundly sexual way." Now, he adds,
"Our sexual life is greater than anything I've ever dreamed of-it's
a state of bliss."
Tantra-a complex marriage of yoga, meditation and ritual that
originated in India thousands of years ago-has been floating on the
fringes of pop culture since the 1970s. North Americans easily
embraced its exotic props-incense-burning, candles and massage with
aromatic oils. But the authentic Tantric approach to sex proved too
esoteric, not to mention time- consuming. "There was a lengthy
ritual called maithuna," notes Stewart Esposito, an Arizona-based
management consultant and Tantra teacher who, with his partner
Mackenzie (Bodhi) Jordan, led a five-day seminar called "Tantric
Loving for Couples" on Cortes Island, B.C., last month. "There would
be three days of gift-giving, fasting, meditating and looking into
each other's eyes to heighten the energy before intercourse."
But, now, lovers across Europe and North America are beginning to
uncover the ancient secrets of Tantra-as well as Taoism and other
mystical religions. In a clutch of popular books and videos-with
such seductive titles as Tantra: The Art of Conscious Loving,
Mystical Sex and Sexual Energy Ecstasy-modern gurus and sex experts
offer dozens of 1990s adaptations of the ancient techniques, often
packaged with New Age psychotherapy and without the bell- ringing,
incense-burning and strange Sanskrit terminology. Last month, in
Vancouver, Canadian-born travel writer Tim Ward drew a crowd of 500
to a reading of Arousing the Goddess, his recently published book
about his personal experiences with mystical sex in India. "Tantric
sex has come out of the woodwork," say s Ward. "People are looking
for new ways of looking at their sexuality." Attracted by promises
of intimacy, vitality and prolonged sexual rapture, couples and
singles of all ages are signing up in increasing numbers for
workshops. "It's what I have always looked for," says Sophie, an
unmarried 31-year-old Toronto bookstore clerk. "Holistic sex isn't
just something you do for fun-there is a profound spiritual
connectedness."
The newly aroused passion for Tantra-with its promise to add a
spiritual dimension to sex-is no mystery. "In North America, sex and
love are often separated," says Caroline Muir-who, with her husband
and partner Charles Muir, taught Tantra to Tucker and Eikenberry.
"Many people have a feeling that something is missing." Some
supporters point out that, in the era of AIDS, Tantra offers couples
a way to explore their sexuality while remaining in a committed
relationship. "Beyond the sex," says Louis Meldman , a clinical
psychologist in Birmingham, Mich., and author of Mystical Sex: Love
Ecstasy and the Mystical Experience, "there is a tremendous interest
in spirituality-people are looking for something that they are not
getting in regular religion." Tantra does offer a spiritual
dimension, but it's a "fairly shallow, New Age" one, remarks a
skeptical John Stackhouse, professor of religion at the University
of Manitoba. "It promises spiritual benefits-without having to be
responsible to any spoil-sport supreme being who will tell you what
you can and cannot do with your body."
Tantra is based on the traditional Eastern belief that a circuit of
energy flows through the body, in much the same way that blood runs
through veins and arteries. This pathway of energy-according to
Tantric beliefs-connects the body's seven main "chakras ," or energy
centres, from the lowest chakra at the base of the spine to the
crown chakra at the top of the head. Although there is no anatomical
evidence for the existence of chakras, Margo Anand, a respected
psychologist and promoter of Tantric sex who was recently invited to
collaborate with staff at Harvard and Stanford University medical
schools, believes that the chakras correspond to parts of the body's
endocrine system that regulate vitality and energy. "Like
acupuncture, it can only be partially explained scientifically,"
says Anand, "but the results demonstrate that it works."
The secret to Tantric sex, believers claim, is to open up the
chakras and to move the sexual energy-called kundalini-from the two
lowest chakras near the genitals, up to the heart, or feeling
chakra, where it merges with the partner's energy channel before
flowing to the highest crown chakra, creating a sensation of oneness
and ecstasy. "When my seven chakras are open and all of Jill's are
open and we are connecting," says Tucker, "we can damn near levitate
off the bed." Toby Earp, a Montreal teacher, reports a less dramatic
experience. "The goal is not so much to get blissed out," says Earp,
who has attended Tantric workshops. "The idea is to become more open
and present to your partner."
Experts in Tantric sex have widely different views on how to control
the body's energy. "There's a lot of just plain nonsense out there,"
says Meldman. Still, most programs emphasize breathing exercises,
meditation and yoga. Some also include dance, massage, psychotherapy
and communication skills as a prelude to love. "People imagine that
Tantric sex workshops are orgies," says Liliana Cane, who, with her
husband Robert Baillod, runs the Montreal SkyDancing Institute, one
of eight international training centres founded by Anand. "It is not
like that at all. It has to do with spiritual and personal growth."
Still, Anand and others suggest caution. "Some teachers may never
have done any yoga in their life," says Muir. "There have been
teachers busted for abusing women, others for taking drugs in
groups."
Some Canadian experts take a benign view of Tantric sex. In fact,
well-known sex educator Sue Johansen says that one Tantric technique
used to prolong lovemaking is often used by conventional sex
therapists to treat premature ejaculation. "It's marvellous
therapy," says the outspoken Johansen, who adds that she is "not
enthralled" with the meditation and trance-like states that
accompany it. "There are some good things about Tantric sex," states
Saskatoon sex therapist Carolyn Chernenkoff. "It really does stress
equality and it seems to stress sensation." Her husband and
co-therapist, Dr. William Chernenkoff, believes that Tantra's
attempt to develop oneness with a partner is probably
"therapeutic"-if not scientific. In fact, the Chernenkoffs believe
that Canadians suffer more from lack of time than lack of technique.
"If most couples had the luxury to take the time to enjoy their
sexual relationship," says Carolyn, "they could have wonderful
sex-even without Tantra."